This morning my phone rang before 8:00 a.m. A friend calling to ask my advice on relationships. Not that I'm the source for relationship advice, but since I work daily with couples at a highly stressed time of their lives, I suppose it makes me uniquely qualified. My friend's fiance isn't acting like a man in love, she says. "We're getting married, but you'd never know it. He doesn't act like a man in love." I can't tell you what a man in love is supposed to act like. I know what I've seen on television and read in books, but my reality has been a bit different. However, I can say that women aren't the only ones with fears and doubts during the engagement period. Unlike men, however, we have books and magazine articles and girlfriends to help us through this period (at least we seek them out). Plus, we can dive head-long into wedding planning and obsess over colors and custom printed M&Ms, and delay the fears and doubts until the first year of marriage, which is another post altogether.
What does a man in love act like? I asked her and she said: "Excited! He calls 'round the clock just to hear your voice and he says 'I love you' first."
I titled this post after Nikki Giovanni's poem. My all-time favorite line from that poem is: "The problem with love is not what we feel but what we wish we felt when we began to feel we should feel something." I've used it many times to explain love relationships when doling out such advice. This morning, however, I asked my betrothed to read this poem, and without revealing which line, I told him that there was a line in the poem that was profound in its explanation of love and relationships, and I wanted to know if he'd concur, because I want to tell my friend to read that poem. After reading the poem, he said: "I agree." And then he quoted this line: "because you know as long as you sit very very still the laws of motion will be in effect."
Yeah, call me to discuss a shade of peach. I am so getting out of the relationship counseling business.